these built-in spring in the step sandals were spotted at fazzari’s pizza in clarkston, washington.  clarkston is across the river from lewiston, idaho my hometown.  therefore, these shoes have a special place in my heart.  there is also a 20% chance those are my mom’s cinch bottom capris, although i can’t see babs spending that much on pizza.

these shoes look like a factory that’s falling apart.  you know when springs start shooting out of machines, red buttons start lighting up and steam comes out of all the pipe joints.  “she’s gonna blow!” type stuff.  except i think the only thing that lady’s gonna blow is $15 on a designer “shabam” pizza from fazzari’s.  god damnit i want some.

(shoe suggestion by tom moreno)

if i woke up with pink inflamed skin and bumps all over my body i certainly wouldn’t put myself out for sale and charge $1,000.  *raises eyebrow to dolce and gabbana*

when you’re wearing these snazzy heels from the DSQUARED2 line, be sure to click your heels together and say, “dsquared” three times.  the Canadian twin designers Dean and Dan Caten will appear in your living room, demand manhattans and make fun of what you’re wearing.