this black boot by Kickers was the first of many shoes to recently be diagnosed with having down syndrome.  crystal bee interviewed dr. karl lee from oregon health and sciences university.  here is the transcript of that interview.

crystal bee:  “so dr. lee, in a case of shoe down syndrome, is it the shoe’s 21st chromosome as it is in humans, which is affected?” 

dr. lee:  “i don’t know what you’re talking about.  shoes don’t have chromosomes.”

crystal bee:  “but dr. lee don’t you think the photo of this shoe clearly indicates that it has downs?  it’s like this shoe has downs or the camera that took this photo had a wall eye lens on it or something, you know what i’m saying?”

dr. lee:  [pause]  “no.  leather and rubber can’t get a chromosomal disorder.  leather and rubber don’t have DNA.”

crystal bee:  “do you think your opinion on the subject could be skewed due to the fact that the very shoes you are wearing, as your wife calls them your ‘favorite shoes’ clearly have down syndrome themselves?”

dr. lee:  “these were $200.  i’m not married.”

crystal bee:  “dr. lee.  please.”

next time you’re on a terrible first date, instead of having your friend text you in the middle with a fake emergency, just slip these babies into your purse before you enter uncharted man territory. at the first sign of trouble just get your secret weapons out of your purse and put them on. make sure your skirt’s hiked up to the knees. while running your hands down your legs say to him, “i just loooove my frog shoes.” follow that up with an occasional ribbit sound that is audible but still deniable. blowing bubbles with chewing gum couldn’t hurt.