Gravis fans felt betrayed and hurt last Thursday afternoon when the quality of their products took a turn for the deadly. daughters, mothers and sisters all over the nation pulled on their new Gravis shoes in the morning to find not a satisfactory reflection coming from the mirror in front of them but a blood curdling scream coming from their very own throats.

“this isn’t flubber folks,” said Officer Hereday who was trying to control the commotion families were causing in the local ER.  so what’s the start of all this trouble?  it seems as though a magical creature known as a Griffon fell into a giant vat of a green substance labeled, “man made material” at the Gravis factory.  in addition to this one of the chemicals used in the manufacturing of the sole proved to be carcinogenic causing the Griffon to bind with the man made material and mutate into something far from a treasure guarding lion with the head and wings of an eagle. 

“the shoes are basically eating people,” Hereday explains with little to no emotion.  “no feet.”

Dr. Karl Lee of Oregon  Health and Science University offers a more in depth explanation.  “the carcinogen altered an enzyme found within the Griffon which basically binds to human flesh with surprisingly strong ligands while at the same time breaking down the organic material it is attached to.  when this substance was formed into an unflattering boot, and then women voluntarily put their feet into that unflattering boot - they found themselves in a flesh eating trap.”

the enzyme lacked any locomotion so the shoes failed to take casualties.  within a few hours the families were simply glad their loved ones were alive.  in a gesture of sympathy, the prosthetics department brought over drinks, food and brochures.  while appreciated, a few eyebrows were cocked when someone popped a bottle of champagne and one doctor noogied another while saying, “St. Bart’s motherfucker!”

Dr. Lee isn’t so sure everyone should be getting so relaxed so soon.  ”these women losing their feet is the least of our worries.  when the griffons find out one of their own was killed in a human shoe factory due to loosened safety precautions, there will be hell to pay.”

(shoe submission by Paris Hughes)