snarky los angeles blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

i can only think of one practical use for these.

you ready?

okay so you’re in mexico, right?  and someone breaks into your house in a murderous and potentially burglarous rage.  you hide behind the drapes.  IT WORKS.  cause the murglars would be all like, “oh let’s grab this mexican flatscreen but if you see somebody kill them” and they’d scan the room and be all like – NOPE.  cause you’re ankles would be all like day of the dead and our lady guadalupe and shit.

(shoe submission by JB)

what the fuck are these cats trying to sell me?  there are entirely too many numbers and weaponry-named sandwiches involved.  i have heard this ad at least a dozen times and i still have no idea what it’s trying to tell me.  i think it’s trying to tell me to go to subway and get a five dollar footlong because its menu is a lot less confusing than their competition’s.

however, this ad does compel me to put a bullet in those musketeer cats.  and i would, if i could only remember where to buy a bullet and how much it cost.

so now that i’m unemployed, i’ve decided this is my new favorite tv show.

if you can’t tell from the cover, this show is about a  bunch of super gay black dudes.  it’s very sex and the city except instead of women it’s a bunch of rich gays.  and instead of new york they’re always at some super thugged out club, except all the thugs are gay.  the main character is noah, a film student who has a frustrating relationship with a guy who still thinks he’s straight.

and let me tell you what else.  someone can’t look frustrated on this show without running their hands through their hair, sighing loudly, sweating, rolling their eyes and saying, “i feel so frustrated!” at the same time.  i’ve never laughed out loud so much in my entire life.  each episode is 23 minutes of bad acting, hilarious one liners, show stopping music and delightfully cheesy moments.  who wouldn’t love this shit?

many of you may remember the last time i lost my jarb which was at a northwest shoe store chain that went out business last september where i was a buyer and manager.  i have been managing another local shoe store since then.  but they went out business yesterday due to super ‘tarded out and most likely cross-eyed landlords who like to sit behind their desks and wave pens held stiffly in their fisted hands while making screechy banchee noises.  occasionally papers fly through the air and they write something on it, something that lacks sense or reason.  then they give their keyboard a couple hammer curl pounds, spill their coffee down the front of their shirt, shit their pants, pack up their briefcase and gtfo for the weekend.  that’s what i imagine anywayskies.

next job?  casino cooler.  obviously.

 i made out of there with eleven pairs of shoes, boots and sandals.  that oughta hold me over for a couple months.  but after that *twitches* i’m not really sure what will happen to me.

before i blog about this spring 2010 balmain sandal please excuse me as i grab an acid wash levi’s jacket with faux sheepskin collar.  *puts on imaginary whack-jack*  ah, that’s better.

this is just a repackaged teva isn’t it balmain?  whatever it is, it makes me want to rent Sister Act and listen to Nirvana on cassette.  so 1992.  that also happens to be the year i was forcibly baptized into the mormon religion against my little eight year old will.  so you can imagine i’m not too fond of anything that comes out of 1992 due to this.  in fact i just found a mousehole in my house the other day.  i think i’ll write 1992 around the outside of it and any time anything comes out of it i’ll just stomp the shit out of it.  i’ll kill it dead.