snarky los angeles blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

the dsquared label is gonna need a little more than these bone thin stilettos if they expect to hunker down for winter with any sort of seriousness.  these shoes will make little more than a thin soup.  a thin soup i say!

but more importantly this shoe brings to light my serious hate of swarovski crystals.  since when is cut glass worth anything?  i guess since some mr. swarovski character pulled some l ron hubbard shit and decided they were.  some day i’ll find mr swarovski, take a glass candy dish i found at goodwill and dramatically smash it on the ground in front of him.  then i will yell, “ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS PLEASE!”  and when he develops a contorted and confused expression i’ll pull out a mirror and show him his own face.

a toast to my favorites mans in the whole wide worlds.  you make me a better person.

i have ended all online applications other than my blog as of a couple weeks ago.  which means i no longer have a facebook, twitter or myspace page.  and bills shoes booze no longer has a facebook page either.  and in case you were wondering, i love it!  i’m an addict and in the end i just had to go cold turkey.

and don’t worry, getting a hold of me and sending me ugly shoe submissions is still super easy.  just email me at crystalbee@billsshoesbooze.com

you know your man still thinks of you as a sexual entity when he buys you these sexy grandpa slippers with attached broom and dustpan.  because there’s nothing sexier than looking like a hunchback with flat arches shuffling across the floor that gave you wrinkles and grey hair to buy.  not to mention the incessant banging noise that the brush makes as you go underneath the pantry doors and along the walls.  it’s enough to drive a man crazy.

(video submitted by nick bee)