snarky los angeles blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

“how about that goaler?  nothing gets in front of him!” she called out to his friends with a flirty wink.  burying his face in hands, old harold crunkshaw thought to himself, “i should have married that homely clever girl.”

roger vivier has been making millions on his high end shoe line.  the schtick?  they’re made by gifted four to six year old children in factories.   “what these kids can do is, absolutely amazing,” says King Jensen, an art director in New York. 

but not everyone is so sure the kids are doing all of that shoe making.  Floyd Grenwich who claims he’s been a skeptic since the start states, ”there was obviously a mature hand, experienced in design, guiding those factory children.”

attempting to protect his reputation and the value of his product, roger vivier allowed the factory children to make a boot start to finish on video camera.  the boot pictured above is in fact that boot.  during the video taping, child laborers called out, “roger! you show us how to make de last.” or “mr. vivier when we get pay?” 

roger refused to acknowledge the children’s cries for assistance.  “i’m not usually here when they’re working,” he explains.  he shakes his head and then adds,  “little geniuses.”

but the boot that came from this exercise, ironically named “pay or play” has an awkward presence in the collection.  it seems inferior to the rest of the collection and stands out as a clue to what may really be going on here.  the answer?  still buried.

good news for total losers.  no longer must they fantasize about Lelu from the Fifth Element or 7 of 9 from Star Trek Voyager.  once nerds obtain high paying careers, they will be able to buy these shoes for their gold digging girlfriends turning their fantasies into reality.  gold digging girlfriends have expressed hesitation about wearing these neck breakers from Nina Ricci’s Fall 2009 collection, but feel if there is a yves st laurent bow bag in it for them, then they would most likely do it after a few beers.  nerds responded to this by nutting in their pants.

many expected 23 year old Project Runway winner Christian Siriano to bring a fresh, young perspective to the fashion world. few expected his influence to be so young that it included characters from Nintendo games. “i’ve always been inspired by koopas,” says Siriano, “i thought, why not the king? plus bowser’s fierce.” the shoes were receiving rave reviews across the board until customers quickly discovered once you took three stomps on them they were completely destroyed.

if i could choose any shoes i wanted in the world as wardrobe for my currently scripted yet unproduced pornographic filmed entitled “just clownin’ around”, it would be john galliano’s fall 2009 lineup.  in the film, clown crazed starlets bib up and get spackled by ill placed lapel flowers then look into the camera with a sultry stare and say, “i just got clowned.”  p.s.  i would totally wear these shoes.