more candy shoes from sarajevo belma arnautovic. good luck getting through an airport with this shit on. you’d probably never make your gate anyways what with all the delays in security and all the lady gaga signatures you’d have to produce for demanding fans.
happy fourth of july everyone! even you, you piece of shit FOX-watching fuckfaces who are eating blended meat products and pissing in the bushes of my local park right now. i like what you’re doing with your independence there.
sick. the last thing i want is glen quagmire to have a bird’s eye view of my pussy. a little too uncle rico for me if YOU KNOW WHU I’M SAYIN’?!!?!?!? GET IT?!!?! A LITTLE TOO UNCLE RICO? CAUSE RICO’S ALL CREEPY ‘N WHACK ‘N SHIT. SHIT’S FUNNY YO.
so now that i’m unemployed, i’ve decided this is my new favorite tv show.
if you can’t tell from the cover, this show is about a bunch of super gay black dudes. it’s very sex and the city except instead of women it’s a bunch of rich gays. and instead of new york they’re always at some super thugged out club, except all the thugs are gay. the main character is noah, a film student who has a frustrating relationship with a guy who still thinks he’s straight.
and let me tell you what else. someone can’t look frustrated on this show without running their hands through their hair, sighing loudly, sweating, rolling their eyes and saying, “i feel so frustrated!” at the same time. i’ve never laughed out loud so much in my entire life. each episode is 23 minutes of bad acting, hilarious one liners, show stopping music and delightfully cheesy moments. who wouldn’t love this shit?
these are real squirrel’s feet available somewhere on regretsy. i don’t remember where exactly because i found this pic a while ago.
pretty fucking gross though.
every time you turned your head those lil’ squirrelly claws would be all like, “heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey” up on your neckbone. sick. i suppose some people might get off on that. most likely witch doctors and old wiccan hags. some old wiccan hag would probably be all like, “not only do they make great earrings but you can also boil them in rat’s blood with some eye of newt. it makes a great aphrodisiac.” fuckin’ hag.
many of you may remember the last time i lost my jarb which was at a northwest shoe store chain that went out business last september where i was a buyer and manager. i have been managing another local shoe store since then. but they went out business yesterday due to super ‘tarded out and most likely cross-eyed landlords who like to sit behind their desks and wave pens held stiffly in their fisted hands while making screechy banchee noises. occasionally papers fly through the air and they write something on it, something that lacks sense or reason. then they give their keyboard a couple hammer curl pounds, spill their coffee down the front of their shirt, shit their pants, pack up their briefcase and gtfo for the weekend. that’s what i imagine anywayskies.
next job? casino cooler. obviously.
i made out of there with eleven pairs of shoes, boots and sandals. that oughta hold me over for a couple months. but after that *twitches* i’m not really sure what will happen to me.
when i first saw these canvas cotton boots by jo no fui, they had so much flare on, i almost tried to order a bloomin’ onion and a weak cocktail from them.
hold your breath because i’m about to tell you how much they cost.
$1,925. let me spell it out. nineteen hundred twenty five dollars. for slutty suburban fare juicy couture boots. rarely does the version that costs two grand look like a knockoff of something you can get at nordstroms or by coming home before curfew for TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT.
so how about you jo no fui-ck off. because children are starving. and if you wanna charge that much for shit it better be art. or be able to bring me a drink.
before i blog about this spring 2010 balmain sandal please excuse me as i grab an acid wash levi’s jacket with faux sheepskin collar. *puts on imaginary whack-jack* ah, that’s better.
this is just a repackaged teva isn’t it balmain? whatever it is, it makes me want to rent Sister Act and listen to Nirvana on cassette. so 1992. that also happens to be the year i was forcibly baptized into the mormon religion against my little eight year old will. so you can imagine i’m not too fond of anything that comes out of 1992 due to this. in fact i just found a mousehole in my house the other day. i think i’ll write 1992 around the outside of it and any time anything comes out of it i’ll just stomp the shit out of it. i’ll kill it dead.
yeah this might be okay if it was firmly fastened to the end of a hobo’s stick. and that hobo was on a refrigerated boxcar on a train headed north.
since the real roger vivier passed away in 1998, allow me to remind his successor bruno frisoni at the house of roger vivier, that design when applied to clothing, is generally thought of as the fusion of aesthetics and function. this is a shoe. what are shoes for?
1. walking
2. keeping the soles of our feet covered so that they remain soft
3. allowing us to laugh at feral animals with thick unsightly footpads and say, “nice footpad asshole. hey how about i rip your hide off your ass and use it as shuz?”
and everyone knows that. it’s not up for debate. so what are your shuz for frisoni? what is their function? tripping? looking tarded? ROGER VIVIER INVENTED THE STILETTO YOU ASSHOLE. AND HERE YOU ARE MAKING BLEACHED SUEDE TOUCH THE FILTHY GROUND. NEWTON’S FOURTH LAW. SUEDE AND GROUND CANNOT COME IN CONSTANT CONTACT MOVING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS WITHOUT MANGLING SUEDE. cc-v(Su+Gr) + (a)^2=MANGLED SUEDE. WATCH IT FRISONI.
(blog dedicated to kayla blaspheme espy bee)