the anti-semitic jack sparrow wannabe known as John Galliano decided to pinocchio a corsage into a shoe by giving it a sole…

that Galliano sure does love to shoe pinocchio.  he does not however, love Jiminy Cricket, or any other form a conscience may take….zing!

comes in two colors, “natural” and “worlds unite”.  i personally would call these colors “puke” and “the color my puke shows up on more.”  i can think of only one way i could properly utilize these heels.  picture a bar, preferably a divey one with a few old timers scattered about.  in my saturday night’s finest, i would walk into this bar and begin fake climbing across the horizontal floor by moving in large slow motion steps, grabbing large chunks of air with my hands, and making loud painful grunting noises.  when i reached the bar probably four minutes later, i’d also use that grip action sole to anchor my foot firmly to the bar stool as i give an unnecessary, pain stricken but victorious yell to finally grab my drink from the annoyed bartender.  then i would post a video of this on youtube and entitle it “fuck you teva”.

(shoe submission by iris murdock and john forsythe)

facebook continues to imitate life.  why am i starting to feel like R.J. MacReady in John Carpenter’s The Thing?  oh wait i know.  because i’m starting to think a parasitic alien life form named facebook attacked and then assimilated all my friends and turned them into asinine streams of 11 word sentences that only LOOK like my friends.  i’m not sure who’s real anymore.  anyone who has been alone with facebook for long periods of time is now suspect of being a mere imitation of themselves.  and who is that?  everyone.

let’s get a few things straight.

facebook is not human interaction.  facebook is not shoes. it can’t hold you or comfort you like people or shoes can.  it’s life reduced in a digital frying to pan to an archaic message board full of grunts and caveman fists beating on chests, potentially being controlled by an invasive life form that wants to turn you into super gross jelly and then reform you into a blander more boring same version of yourself that talks much and does little.  and it also might severe your head from your body, then subsequently grow spider legs and periscope eyes out of it.  both seem equally unappealing and deserving of kurt russell’s torch gun.

(shoe submission by christopher mcconnell)

(blog inspired by rc)

love.

wtf oregon?  i may have to relocate to where my constituents lie.

way to match up the waffle print.  because that’s hard.

(shoe submission by keri chang)