you’re a runway from 2010 you say?  well how the bloody hell did i get here?  doc was supposed to send me to 1955!  that way i could look super futuristic and hot at prom in order to attract my future son’s father.  but now all i am is an out of date shoe some lazy fucking designer pulled out of their ass and called vintage inspired.  *cough cough*  lanvin!  *cough cough*

whoopdidoo.  you screenprinted shoes on a tank.  good jorb.  i bet the shoes she’s wearing are completely tardo.  and i bet when other women compliment and/or inquire about her shoe tank she says, “oh well thaaaanks.  i just love shoes.  but you sure wouldn’t know it by these beat up things i’m wearing though!!!” then laughs loudly half bent over with mouth open and nose scrunched up.  and then all the other women with beat up crappy shoes laugh too. 

people have no idea how tight and clenched my heart becomes when i hear other women mindlessly utter the words, “i love shoes”.  they don’t know what love is.  they don’t have any idea.  they’re not in love.  they’d shove their feet in anything.  any cheap sleezy okay looking thing that comes along.  whisper, “i love you” in its ear, use it, abuse it and then literally throw it away.  they have never resoled a shoe or gotten in an argument with nob hill shoe repair.  so go ahead ladies - shake your booty throw your hands in the air and sing the word, “taaAAAaarget” as you walk down the street.  see if i care.  but you stop acting like you love shoes.  *chokes up*  because i love shoes.

(garment submission by beth ramsey anderson)

this model has a huge dump in her pants and is missing at least one toe from her left foot.  but i digress.  this shoe makes your ankle and foot look like a full blown sith lord.  these shoes could not, however, choke me to death telekinetically and are therefore a pathetic farse for one.

unfortunately, i have no idea who the designer is.  there is a good chance it’s a portland art institute student’s senior project entitled “hoodies for feet”.  recycled garbage bag hoodies to keep your ankles dry and in style.  or i have an idea, instead of creating an elaborate hoodie/emergency rain poncho to keep your ankle dry, you could like, i don’t know, just wear regular god damn shoes?  shuz.

mr. diggles is my new favorite blog.  it has a good variety of music, interesting/funny stuff found on the web, good old fashioned clowning and of course, conspiracy theories.  but i think my favorite part about his blog is the positive vibe about it.  he supports local hosting, hates pollution, plugs the many projects of his friends and just seems generally excited about life.  a welcome break from my own blog and way of looking at things.

that star looks real pointy.  this picture is actually making me squint instinctively for ocular protection.  if she brings that damn thing any closer she’s going to cut her own orbits off.  and once the picture is taken what does the star do?  i’ll tell you what that star doesn’t do.  it doesn’t collapse into a small nylon sack that you can slip under your seat at the grammys.  can she even sit down in that dress?  they should just put her up on a pole to keep hollywood crows away.

the last time i saw someone wearing a garbage bag was when missy elliot drove a cadiallac escalade power wheels type device on stage at the 2006 mtv music awards.  not usually too commonplace to be seen wearing a garbage bag is what i’m trying to say here.  but i suppose if you put a zipper on it, then jcpenneys will pick it up under its infamously tacky “she said…” label and sell it for $58.  although.  i see here on the website it’s on sale.  my surprise level is small in discovering this fact.

(garment submission by beth ramsey anderson)

top of the platform you’re good to go for another 3,000 miles.

chatroulette.com is a new website where you can randomly chat via web cams with strangers all over the world.  or watch them dance as in the photo above.  after you go to the site and hit “play” it instantly hooks you up with a random web cam.  there is a “next” button if you wish to randomly switch to another cam.  you can just “next someone” at any time (or they can “next” you) to get a new person to chat with/stare at.  here is the breakdown of what i randomly saw:

70% young men between the ages of 15-25

15% dudes whacking off  (seriously mid whack off)

10% blank screens with no web cam

5% cool people i had a conversation with – INCLUDING a child, a german guy teaching me german swearwords, and a lot of people who had to listen to me plug my blog

other things that were said/written to me included the following:

1.  tits or GTFO

2.  what’s for dinner?  (once i was cooking)

3.  is that your boyfriend?  *NEXT*

4.  your house is nice, boobs?

5.  hey you’re a girl

7.  you sick woman, you’re just on here to see dicks aren’t you?  (that guy was actually really funny)

all in all i had a great time.  but it’s not a site i’m likely to visit again.  when you’re bored the last place you should go to is where all the other bored people in the world are.  not exactly stimulating.

it’s really important to not let anyone know you’re wearing rainboots.  it’s also important that they have laces.  because without the need for laces all of the parts of the boot might actually be physically attached to each other and therefore not able to let rain in.  and if you’re not letting any rain in, people might start to suspect something.  wait, what?

(shoe submission by laura gonzales)