Archive for the ‘ The Sunday Edition ’ Category
Consumer Product Review the brand SWIMS has created a protective covering for your fancy heels called “the cityslipper”. it comes in both a low and a high heel height. it is also extremely tarded. what’s more tard than that is the marketing campaign SWIMS has chosen for the product. drawing on a vague connection between the [ READ MORE ]
balenciaga, who has slowly been profiting from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder since 1937, now openly refuses to acknowledge the validity of the disease. they are claiming their designers are cognizant adults able to make their own decisions in a reasonable amount of time, even if those decisions take months and include combining snowboard parts and more colors than are in [ READ MORE ]
the secret’s out. a new product on the market has mountain and rock climbers alike clammering to get their hands on it. no longer must humans use expensive REI equipment to try and compete with mother nature’s best climbers. at least not now that Hooves, Inc. has finally cracked the genetic sequence that makes mountain goats [ READ MORE ]
[jesus and his disciple john walk down the road together] [john] hey jesus when you got that martyr thing coming up? was that today? [jesus look at john incredulously] [john] oh shit i thought that was thursday. [runs hands down face slowly, then winces] could we just squeeze in one more supper? i promised mark and luke. and you know [ READ MORE ]
mariah carey made an announcement today that she will be starting a new career. she will now be a bathtub designer. though she knows nothing about plumbing, porcelian or making a mosaic design she does know that if a shoe were like, three times the size it is now, you could totally take a bath [ READ MORE ]
this black boot by Kickers was the first of many shoes to recently be diagnosed with having down syndrome. crystal bee interviewed dr. karl lee from oregon health and sciences university. here is the transcript of that interview. crystal bee: “so dr. lee, in a case of shoe down syndrome, is it the shoe’s 21st chromosome as it [ READ MORE ]
Gravis fans felt betrayed and hurt last Thursday afternoon when the quality of their products took a turn for the deadly. daughters, mothers and sisters all over the nation pulled on their new Gravis shoes in the morning to find not a satisfactory reflection coming from the mirror in front of them but a blood [ READ MORE ]
bills, shoes and booze is pleased to introduce the Sunday Edition. the blogs written in the style of a newspaper article (shoe finds human host, great expectations) will now be posted every Sunday. hope to see your hungover face each and every week. and don’t forget to send me your favorite ugly shoe. seecrystalblog@gmail.com love, crystal bee [ READ MORE ]
a potential pandemic has recently been brought to the attention of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. the condition, which is proving to be transmogrifying, started on the runways of Paris last Spring. one of Alexander Wang’s shoes from his Fall 2009 collection has come under the strong suspicion that it is in fact, a deadly parasite. [ READ MORE ]
roger vivier has been making millions on his high end shoe line. the schtick? they’re made by gifted four to six year old children in factories. “what these kids can do is, absolutely amazing,” says King Jensen, an art director in New York. but not everyone is so sure the kids are doing all of that shoe making. Floyd Grenwich [ READ MORE ]