sick.  the last thing i want is glen quagmire to have a bird’s eye view of my pussy.  a little too uncle rico for me if YOU KNOW WHU I’M SAYIN’?!!?!?!?  GET IT?!!?!  A LITTLE TOO UNCLE RICO?  CAUSE RICO’S ALL CREEPY ‘N WHACK ‘N SHIT.  SHIT’S FUNNY YO.

this sb skunk dunk comes with a leafy green exterior, stash pocket and the image of a heavy lidded skunk printed on the sole.  it is being released by nike in a few days on 4-20.  real clever nike.

as if people who love to, as i say, “do the weed” aren’t annoying enough, now they get to have their own theme shoe.  now let me tell you what really bothers me.  i imagine that young immature pot smoking teenagers would really love to get their hands on this shoe.  their maturity levels are low and weed is still new and exciting for them.  but those assholes don’t have any money and their mothers sure as hell won’t be purchasing them.

this leaves with me with only one other, very disturbing conclusion.  grown men are buying these.  they’re like $300 or something i’m sure.  all i’m saying is that’s a lot of domino delivery tips to be blowin’ on a marijuana themed shoe.  especially when you already spend your entire paycheck on christmas in vietnam or ganja gonna miss me or clifford the big red dog or whatever else you kids call doobies these days.

(shoe submission by benjamin diggles)

a guy walks down the street in a long sleeved henley with a button up hawaiian shirt over it.  his hands are tucked into the pockets of the raggiest jeans ever that are so out of date (levi’s pipeleg silvertabs or something) they must be his older brother’s.  he throws me a nod and tells me, “nice outfit” like it means something special coming from him.  i smile weakly and then he says something stupid like, “rad”.

(shoe submission by liz scheer)

love,
crystal bee.

Regretsy pick: Shoes of the Damned

Regretsy, for those of you aren’t addicted, is a site dedicated to finding the funny, ugly and disgusting highlights of crafty marketplace Etsy.

Not for the faint hearted, I’ve seen everything on here from a childbirth doll to poncho especially created for a chick (of the feathered variety).

These personalised converse shoes on the right are pretty grotesque though. They’re from AyinX’s store, who’s clearly a Twilight fan. It even promises ‘freebies’, which I’d hope to be a bag to go over your head and hide the shame..

You can buy these from the Etsy shop for $125.

Posted by Emma Cossey on December 24, 2009 10:00 AM

glue is not a license.  period.  i just can’t emphasize that enough anymore.  i’m not sure why kids have access to glue at all.  because when a kid makes a stupid painting, it’s hard enough to smile and say, “hey that looks great.”  but when they bring you a bunch of bullshit sparkles, cotton balls, and pipecleaners over-glued to a piece of paper and all you can think about is the state of your dining room table, well you might as well have a mouth full of cancer sores.  which is basically how i felt when i saw this creation above.  much like a new mother or young school teacher might feel - exhausted, frustrated and simply no longer able to smile.  ugly shoes almost bested me today.  but then i thought about some tool smelling like bird shit when he got caught in the rain while wearing these, and that, well that made me smile.

thx punk rose for making this ridiculous shoe entitled “queen”.  and that’s what she who wears this shoe is, the queen of refuse.  so bow down to her if you want, bow to her.  bow to the queen of slime, the queen of filth, the queen of putrescence.  boo.  boo.  rubbish.  filth.  slime.  muck.  boo.  booooo!  BOOOOOO!!!

(shoe submission by beth ramsey anderson)

this looks like the foot of a dinosaur.  a big clunky shapeless dinosaur foot.  no it’s actually more clunky and shapeless than that.  it looks more like the foot of a snowdinosaur that a young dinosaur would make.  basically this shoe resembles nothing.  maybe some rotten mango fruit satan would eat.  maybe some egg carton foam stapled to a black wall.

barack obama has been declared mvp of 2008 by air jordans.  apparently obama has won another award he has yet to prove he is worthy for.  if he can or will dunk has yet to be seen.  maybe air jordans meant most valuable president.  sorry nicholas sarkozy.  p.s. it was carla that lost it for you.

p.s.  who drew that obama?  go back to art school.  it looks like the winning mural of a 4th grade art contest that got displayed on the 4th floor of the local hospital.

(inspiration from roommates adam bee and dan bee)

apparently.  there is a brand of shoes called scripts christian shoes that make sneakers with bible verses on them.  the verse featured on the above sneaks is phillipians 4:13, which says, “i can do all things through christ who strengthens me.”  i think that verse might be better suited for a pair of high heels don’t you think?  which are actually somewhat difficult to walk in.  i’m pretty sure you can walk in these tennies without the strength of christ.  unless you’re planning to walk on water.  (zing)  however, it certainly would take the strength of christ to mask homosexuality so strong, that you’re actually wearing sneakers with bible verses on them.  i think i’ll make my own jesus sneakers that have leviticus 18:22 printed on them.  and then on the side of the sneaker write, “detestable sin?  DELECTABLE SIN!  lol.”

for some reason, thelovelybride dot com thinks they can take a shoe i paid $9.99 for at payless in 1995, market it as a wedding shoe and sell it for $140.00.  the jig’s up lovelybride.  i’d like to hear what star jones, the spokeswoman for payless shoe source has to say about this.  perhaps had star jones worn these tennies to her own wedding, her feet might have carried her through her marriage a little longer.  oooooh!  burrrrrnnn!  hiiisssssss!  ho ho ho ho!  i got you star.  i got you like al reynolds.