[john, paul and jesus are hanging out in the kitchen of their humble abode]

[john]  hey jesus how are things going with adina, that cute little water bearer?

[jesus]  oh her?  i haven’t talked to her in a while.  i never really talked to her actually.

[john]  you should.  she just broke up with that soldier.  you can’t be lonely forever jay.

[jesus]  it’s just seems like none of them are at a high enough spiritual level for me.  that’s all.

[peter]   [yells from other room]  well we’re not all perfect like you jeez.  she’s nice enough.

[jesus]  well i don’t just want nice enough.

[paul]  hey i think we all  know where i stand.

[jesus]  yeah yeah….

[paul]  as i told the corinthians!  “i wish that all were as i myself am … to remain unmarried as i am … those who marry do well, those who refrain from marriage do better”

[john]  jesus is so damn lonely i don’t think he could do any worse [tags up with paul]

[jesus]  shut the fuck up you guys.

[peter enters the room]

[peter]  ball and cup just doesn’t pass the time like it used to.  what are you assholes all fighting about?  is perfect jesus getting picked on again?

[jesus]  these assholes couldn’t bother me if they tried.

[peter starts using the ball and cup as a paddleball close enough to jesus's face that he is hitting him in the face with it]

[peter]  what about this asshole?

[jesus]  [teeth clenched]  i would appreciate it if you would stop that.

[peter]  i was just hoping you could suffer a few more moments for my benefit that’s all.  i’m really enjoying this.  you will won’t you?  since you’re perfect and all?

[jesus]  fine.

[jesus finally unable to stand the continuing head pummel, bites peter on the arm.  peter screams with pain, but maniacally laughing at the same time as he has broken the son of god.  john and paul join in the laughter.]

[john]  how’s that water bearer starting to look right now?  i bet she hasn’t  bitten anyone on the arm.

[jesus and his disciple john walk down the road together] 

[john]  hey jesus when you got that martyr thing coming up?  was that today? 

[jesus look at john incredulously]

[john]  oh shit i thought that was thursday.  [runs hands down face slowly, then winces]  could we just squeeze in one more supper?  i promised mark and luke.  and you know joseph of gomorra’s unleavened bread is just to die for.

[jesus]  well.  i am on my way to my fucking death.  i can’t believe you guys forgot.

[john]  come on. 

[jesus]  you know what?  let’s do what you guys wanna do.  we’ll do what i wanna do tomorrow. 

[judas appears] 

[judas]  [in a sing song tone]  i brought the hooOOOoly chaaAAAaaalice.

[jesus]  i don’t even wanna hear you talk right now motherfucker.

[judas]  oh come on.  didn’t we put that all behind us?

[jesus]  that’s a nice chalice judas.  how much did that cost you?  looks nice.  about thirty pieces of silver?  that sound about right?  pass it over here.  [jesus grabs chalice out of judas' hands]  might as well get my drink on.

[judas]  oh kiss my ass.

[jesus]  oh yeah judas?  kissing’s more your department don’t you think?

[jesus and judas go for each other, mark and luke show up and break them apart with much force]

[mark]  come on jesus.  judas said he was sorry.  when you gonna give this shit up?

 [jesus]  whatever let’s just go to dinner.

[judas trying not to cry, speaks weakly]

[judas]  i’m sorry man.

[luke]  judas don’t be a fucking pussy.  we’ve all done shit man.

[jesus]  if you guys think you’re getting your feet washed at this dinner you can forget it.

“yeah i really liked this guy.  he was really really nice but sometimes i just think he was just, too good for me.”

“what do you mean?”

“like the other day he asked me if i thought the way i ended my conversation with the grocery store cashier was very polite.  i said i didn’t remember.  and then he put a hand to his chin and pursed his lips, looked down at the floor and dropped a single tear.”

“seriously?”

“yeah then i suggested we go down to the river, take a walk, and skip some stones or something. and he said, ‘you want me to throw stones?’  and i was like why not you know?  and he folded his arms and was like, ‘why don’t you go first?’ really sarcastically.  then he walked away.  he said he’d always be in my heart but….”