Archive for the ‘ mens shoes ’ Category
this shoe doesn’t care what you think of it. so beware before you sass this shoe about its three tongues because imagine the raspberry it could blow on you. you’d smell like spit afterwards that’s for sure. but if you insist on saying something smart-alecky to it, the silver lining is that it can’t actually talk back. i [ READ MORE ]
adidas once again flies too close to the sun bringing in guest designer jeremy scott, who apparently thinks this is an acceptable finished product. looks like wax and feathers to me. so whoever this jeremy scott is should probably rename himself daedalus, father of icarus. because this is a crash and burn if i’ve ever seen [ READ MORE ]
[jesus and his disciple john walk down the road together] [john] hey jesus when you got that martyr thing coming up? was that today? [jesus look at john incredulously] [john] oh shit i thought that was thursday. [runs hands down face slowly, then winces] could we just squeeze in one more supper? i promised mark and luke. and you know [ READ MORE ]
this loafer by Guess has officially, ruined my life. i’m not sure when straight men started caring about brands, ensignia logo prints and the like but i’m pretty sure if they did they wouldn’t give a shit about Guess. and i say straight men because i assure you the gays won’t touch this. the gays will not dirty [ READ MORE ]
while standing outside of williams and sonoma, a teenage male asked me out. i said no thanks. and he said, “what’s your problem? whatchoo don’t think i can buy you a coke?” as though that would make a difference. i walked away. his friends booed me, violently. he then yelled at me, “i can buy you a fucking coke bitch!” [ READ MORE ]
if you own these shoes you might also own a lowrider with some kind of a thug word in Old English nearly blacking out the rear window. you also probably have a girlfriend who is always, “up your ass”. but i bet she’d probly cap that attitude if she had any idea who she was dealing with. [ READ MORE ]
hey baby do you need me to get you anything but tampons and vagisil from the store? no? okay. i’m just gonna go then in these swishy gaucho-esque mesh shorts. love you. [ READ MORE ]
this black boot by Kickers was the first of many shoes to recently be diagnosed with having down syndrome. crystal bee interviewed dr. karl lee from oregon health and sciences university. here is the transcript of that interview. crystal bee: “so dr. lee, in a case of shoe down syndrome, is it the shoe’s 21st chromosome as it [ READ MORE ]
“baby do you know where my wallet is? hey where are my clean boxers? what do you mean the milk’s expired? that is not expired. no. it’s not. whatever i didn’t even wanna drink it anyways. don’t throw it out though. don’t. i’ll drink it. i’ll drink it later. where are you going? why? no [ READ MORE ]
“yeah i really liked this guy. he was really really nice but sometimes i just think he was just, too good for me.” “what do you mean?” “like the other day he asked me if i thought the way i ended my conversation with the grocery store cashier was very polite. i said i didn’t remember. and then he [ READ MORE ]