snarky portland blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

[john, paul and jesus are hanging out in the kitchen of their humble abode]

[john]  hey jesus how are things going with adina, that cute little water bearer?

[jesus]  oh her?  i haven’t talked to her in a while.  i never really talked to her actually.

[john]  you should.  she just broke up with that soldier.  you can’t be lonely forever jay.

[jesus]  it’s just seems like none of them are at a high enough spiritual level for me.  that’s all.

[peter]   [yells from other room]  well we’re not all perfect like you jeez.  she’s nice enough.

[jesus]  well i don’t just want nice enough.

[paul]  hey i think we all  know where i stand.

[jesus]  yeah yeah….

[paul]  as i told the corinthians!  “i wish that all were as i myself am … to remain unmarried as i am … those who marry do well, those who refrain from marriage do better”

[john]  jesus is so damn lonely i don’t think he could do any worse [tags up with paul]

[jesus]  shut the fuck up you guys.

[peter enters the room]

[peter]  ball and cup just doesn’t pass the time like it used to.  what are you assholes all fighting about?  is perfect jesus getting picked on again?

[jesus]  these assholes couldn’t bother me if they tried.

[peter starts using the ball and cup as a paddleball close enough to jesus's face that he is hitting him in the face with it]

[peter]  what about this asshole?

[jesus]  [teeth clenched]  i would appreciate it if you would stop that.

[peter]  i was just hoping you could suffer a few more moments for my benefit that’s all.  i’m really enjoying this.  you will won’t you?  since you’re perfect and all?

[jesus]  fine.

[jesus finally unable to stand the continuing head pummel, bites peter on the arm.  peter screams with pain, but maniacally laughing at the same time as he has broken the son of god.  john and paul join in the laughter.]

[john]  how’s that water bearer starting to look right now?  i bet she hasn’t  bitten anyone on the arm.