snarky los angeles blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

you have probs heard of these shoes made by vibram five fingers.  they’re like gloves for your feet.  and honestly, they’re great if you want to look like a fucking gorilla with a tie on everywhere you go.  if you want to carry around a clipboard that just has a picture of a banana clipped to it.  and i thought the rainbow socks with the toes were bad.  i thought they were enough.  i thought I’D HAD ENOUGH.  but vibram five fingers has to put up this website with these god damn testimonials and then i have to see photos like the one below.

jesus christ.  the woman in the photo says, “There’s nothing better than putting on my Vibram FiveFingers and going out for a run across the prairie with my dog, Boulder.  Prairie running has the added benefits of distinct seasons, seeing wildflowers bloom, and the occasional critter caught off guard.”  i bet she also went to university of montana bozeman and enjoys REI gear, following the speed limit, kayaking and vagina.  and if i might ask, what was the critter caught off guard by?  was it your dog or was it the giant ape wearing a collar, necktie and digital wristwatch barrelling across the prairie?  honestly, i’d feel a little caught off guard if i ran into someone randomly wearing these on the street.  i’d feel like i caught them in their embarrassing “at home clothes”.  i mean, would a shirt and these shoes even be enough to grant you service in a fast food restaurant?  you wouldn’t be served at my fast food restaurant called DignityOnalds where we serve up pride in a hurry.  try next door at ShameBurger.

(shoe submission by erin wilson)