snarky los angeles blogger clowns world. mostly shoes.

alexander mcqueen is shocking the fashion world with these ten inch heels.  the jewel encrusted nude upper on these sky scrapers resembles the outfit a professional skater might wear.  of course in order to wear the shoes, you might also need the core muscles of a professional skater.  and if the height of the heel doesn’t kill you when trying to walk down the street, then the gang of mexican kids with baseball bats looking to break the candy out of your ankles sure as hell will.  on the upside, those with a severe case of bound foot will be physically able to wear the new style as shown by the photo below. 

exhibit a:  bound foot (p.s. unacceptable)

exhibit b:  marie curie’s reaction to alexander mcqueen’s new shoe style

as far as how to wear the new style experts suggest either wearing it with a nude jewel encrusted onesie or one of the new cd shard covered sweater dresses by no vagranchic.  the costumes for the entire cast of cirque du soleil are also a viable choice.  or accessorize with a pair of googly eyes, making the gap between the heel and vertical sole look like a mouth hole.  then put your foot on your friend’s/stranger’s leg while making chomping noises so as to pretend you are eating them, or slip your hand inside in order to more easily ask a child how they are really feeling.  if they say scared, don’t be surprised, you did just try to eat their father’s leg with the same makeshift puppet.

(photo submitted separately by both paris hughes and leslie ferguson)