Archive for November, 2009
alright. if you were going rafting. if you were REALLY going rafting. if the rafting were SO IMMINENT that you were sitting on the inflated rubber pie crust of a raft, i would allow you to hum the mr. rogers tune to yourself take off those acceptable kicks that you wear all the time (right?). [ READ MORE ]
as if the toes weren’t enough of a clue. they had to place a few small candycorns at the ankle just to make sure we’re picking up what they’re layin’ down. “oooooh the shoes look like candycorns. i knew it was something. but wait. [pause] i see it now. it’s totally candycorn. i would’ve figured it out.” it’s [ READ MORE ]
*long exhale* these cell phone holders make me sputter like fred armisen’s character nicholas fehn, the political comedian on SNL’s weekend update. “ there’s something that i wanna- if one of us would just- if everyone in the world was given one of these- if people only knew- the original intention of this product- if i could just- [ READ MORE ]
god damnit henry. there isn’t enough straw in the world to- you know what? forget it. these look like crocs made for elephant feet. they should remake the 1954 movie Elephant Walk incorporating these shoes into the plotline. instead of having the elephants attack the villa because of a strong grudge against the plantation, they could attack it because elizabeth [ READ MORE ]
alexander mcqueen’s new crystal shoes look like a rugged mountain range made of pure onyx. also, this shoe sucks more than an accidental “reply to all”. this looks more like a child’s science experiment than a shoe. you know, the one where the kids put the string in the jar of hot sugar water and [ READ MORE ]
tommy the green power ranger. duh. [ READ MORE ]
guess what celebrity is wearing this mad ugly shoe. [ READ MORE ]
this is a washboard tie. the thimbles actually come with it. who allowed this to happen? *cocks eyebrow in the general direction of urban outfitters* i’m already throwing this guy out of my party. i’m already doing it. i am there, throwing him out in my mind. i am gripping his shirt at the back of his neck [ READ MORE ]
for some reason, thelovelybride dot com thinks they can take a shoe i paid $9.99 for at payless in 1995, market it as a wedding shoe and sell it for $140.00. the jig’s up lovelybride. i’d like to hear what star jones, the spokeswoman for payless shoe source has to say about this. perhaps had [ READ MORE ]
air jordans create a high heeled sexy version of the sneaker for women who like to look good on all types of asphalt. in short, they are made for ridiculous women with ridiculous, little or no style. look at them. this has to be at least 10 times worse than when michael jordan took an ill fated stab [ READ MORE ]