Archive for October, 2009
and so bridges the gap between me making fun of not just shoes, but all clothing and perhaps one day, the world. this zip up hoodie has the markings of a leopard, the shrunken monkey paws of a witch doctor, and the dignity of a lawyer chasing an ambulance. i want it. i want it [ READ MORE ]
it has been a long time now since victoria beckham sported the high heel wedge sneaker and it is officially OVER. the fact that these wedges by Pastry are out before halloween and are sporting the oxygen starved colors of purple and blue is humorous to me. the style is dead. a high heeled lace [ READ MORE ]
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except first dates, family reunions, job interviews, churches, iraq, elementary schools, work, an all races depicted equally porn rally, brigham young university or bed. what? you don’t wear shoes to bed. [ READ MORE ]
bartender: twist of lime for you? crystal bee: do you have any……shoes? bartender: *gets creative* crystal bee: thanks. *steps into crusty lime twists making twig snapping in woods sound* *foot bleeds* bartender: oh god. would you like me to make you another one? crystal bee: no it’s fine. *shoe squeezes lime juice into wound* (photo by christopher mcconnell) [ READ MORE ]
hey shoes did you know there are people out there who are that thin because they’re actually starving? god i hate shoes like this. like, “oh i’m so fabulous and look at how rich i am with my all my jewels and my surprisingly heavy bank card.” fuck you bone thin shoes. i’m going to [ READ MORE ]
“uh yeah hi, i was wondering if you could help me with something. yeah i was just wondering the quickest way to get feces into my mouth? i’ve been thinking all day about this. and i’ve seriously called just about everyone i know, but the answer, well it’s still eluding me. i was told you could [ READ MORE ]
wow. my only hope is that sarah jessica parker or tori spelling buy these to complete the picture. or maybe the picture would only be completed if i could get a fake moustache and poncho, break into a celebrity halloween party and stand next to them all night getting candid photos. not only would it complete [ READ MORE ]
this is fine. heelarious indeed. high heels for babies. and you’re right package, these certainly aren’t toys. because who needs a toy when you have a baby to dress up and mock quickly before they gain self realization. they’re doing great in thailand. [ READ MORE ]
older sister: you’re going out with a leprechaun dressed like that? franny: what, you don’t think he’ll be like, all thinking i’m all like, “oh i’m gold” and shit do you? older sister: he’s a leprechaun! they’re all the same! they have one thing on their minds franny! one! thing! franny: [whispers] gold. (shoe submission by keri chang) [ READ MORE ]