snarky portland blogger clowns world.

whoopdidoo.  you screenprinted shoes on a tank.  good jorb.  i bet the shoes she’s wearing are completely tardo.  and i bet when other women compliment and/or inquire about her shoe tank she says, “oh well thaaaanks.  i just love shoes.  but you sure wouldn’t know it by these beat up things i’m wearing though!!!” then laughs loudly half bent over with mouth open and nose scrunched up.  and then all the other women with beat up crappy shoes laugh too. 

people have no idea how tight and clenched my heart becomes when i hear other women mindlessly utter the words, “i love shoes”.  they don’t know what love is.  they don’t have any idea.  they’re not in love.  they’d shove their feet in anything.  any cheap sleezy okay looking thing that comes along.  whisper, “i love you” in its ear, use it, abuse it and then literally throw it away.  they have never resoled a shoe or gotten in an argument with nob hill shoe repair.  so go ahead ladies - shake your booty throw your hands in the air and sing the word, “taaAAAaarget” as you walk down the street.  see if i care.  but you stop acting like you love shoes.  *chokes up*  because i love shoes.

(garment submission by beth ramsey anderson)

mr. diggles is my new favorite blog.  it has a good variety of music, interesting/funny stuff found on the web, good old fashioned clowning and of course, conspiracy theories.  but i think my favorite part about his blog is the positive vibe about it.  he supports local hosting, hates pollution, plugs the many projects of his friends and just seems generally excited about life.  a welcome break from my own blog and way of looking at things.

the last time i saw someone wearing a garbage bag was when missy elliot drove a cadiallac escalade power wheels type device on stage at the 2006 mtv music awards.  not usually too commonplace to be seen wearing a garbage bag is what i’m trying to say here.  but i suppose if you put a zipper on it, then jcpenneys will pick it up under its infamously tacky “she said…” label and sell it for $58.  although.  i see here on the website it’s on sale.  my surprise level is small in discovering this fact.

(garment submission by beth ramsey anderson)

chatroulette.com is a new website where you can randomly chat via web cams with strangers all over the world.  or watch them dance as in the photo above.  after you go to the site and hit “play” it instantly hooks you up with a random web cam.  there is a “next” button if you wish to randomly switch to another cam.  you can just “next someone” at any time (or they can “next” you) to get a new person to chat with/stare at.  here is the breakdown of what i randomly saw:

70% young men between the ages of 15-25

15% dudes whacking off  (seriously mid whack off)

10% blank screens with no web cam

5% cool people i had a conversation with – INCLUDING a child, a german guy teaching me german swearwords, and a lot of people who had to listen to me plug my blog

other things that were said/written to me included the following:

1.  tits or GTFO

2.  what’s for dinner?  (once i was cooking)

3.  is that your boyfriend?  *NEXT*

4.  your house is nice, boobs?

5.  hey you’re a girl

7.  you sick woman, you’re just on here to see dicks aren’t you?  (that guy was actually really funny)

all in all i had a great time.  but it’s not a site i’m likely to visit again.  when you’re bored the last place you should go to is where all the other bored people in the world are.  not exactly stimulating.

so.  this rules.  axe cop is my new favorite thing in the entire universe.  it’s about a cop with an axe who occasionally rides dinosaurs with machine gun arms.  and better yet the story for each episode of the comic is created by malachai nicolle, a five year old.  once malachai fabricates the plot, the episode is then illustrated by ethan nicolle, his 29 year old brother who i aspire to marry.  *dusts hands off*  i think i’ve taken care of the rest of your evening so i’ll leave you all to your respective axe copping.